Finding my faith

I am slowly learning that I do not have the energy to stress over tomorrow. One of the most known facts in the world is we will never know what another day holds. Life changes in a second. At the end of the day you realize worrying never did any good, it just stole time from you, moments you could have enjoyed.

I am slowly learning that watering dead flowers is not going to revive them. That you could try to moisten sand all you want, but water will still slip through. I am trying to stop vicious cycles of unreturned love, friendships, and other relationships that do not pour into me, what I pour out so generously. I am learning that nowhere near ‘almost’ or ‘nearly there’ is good enough.

I am slowly learning that this is a world where nothing is ours, yet there is everything to lose. I am slowly learning not to cling on and attach to earthly things, that aren’t under my possession. And not just commodities or luxuries that money can buy; rather places and people: war-torn and burnt down, destroyed and heart broken.

I am slowly learning to have faith. To have faith in the process, to believe in my healing. I am slowly understanding that it is only God and faith that will save me every single day, unfailingly. That it is mere faith that makes me believe in the good of people, in the hope of tomorrow, in the fact that the true essence of humanity lies in faith.

I am slowly learning that consistency is key. That good things take time and rushing the process is only going to harm. That even if today or tomorrow, I do not receive as much recognition or appreciation- one day, I would have touched a soul somewhere, I would have made someone smile, someone hope, someone believe, someone love and I will relish in the fact that it was never about huge numbers and millions.

I am slowly learning to forgive myself for how I tried to relieve the pain. For all the unkind and almost unacceptable paths I chose, hoping with all my heart, that it would be a well lit and easy tread. I am forgiving myself for not being kind to my soul and for all the choices I made just to feel safe within my bones.

4 thoughts on “Finding my faith

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